Discussing parents' will, salary: Money issues in relationships answered
LOS ANGELES, Calif. (FOX 11) - Financial problems are the number one cause of break ups. They can have a devastating effect no matter the circumstances.
Dr. Jenn Mann, author of "The Relationship Fix," answered questions that can help you to overcome issues.
My boyfriend struggles finding a job. He didn't finish college, is always broke, and lives on his parent's couch. I send him job openings, but he lacks ambition. I want to get married but I'm concerned. What should I do?
I think you should move on unless you are looking for a husband who will lay on the couch and eat bob bons while you are out working. He sounds like a prima Dona. In an ideal world, we would all be pursuing our passions, getting paid well for it and loving what we do. But if you don't even know what you want to pursue as a career, if you are an adult, you need to earn a living until you figure it out.
Your boyfriend sounds depressed and entitled which is a bad combination. He needs treatment for whatever is holding him back. I recommend weekly therapy. There are mental health clinics all around the country where people are seen based on ability to pay. It sounds like his parents are enabling him. There should be requirements, like being in weekly therapy and getting a job, for him to live in their home. He needs some tough love or he is unlikely to be motivated to get a job.
This man is not a husband, he is a project. You need to get on with your life and find a capable self sufficient partner.
My parents refuse to discuss their will with me and my siblings. I don't even know if they have one. It is not that I want something from them; I just want to know what their desires are and make sure they have a will that outlines their requests.
Discussing a will involves talking about two things that are taboo in our culture, money and death. Both are extremely important to talk about. It is impossible for you to know how to handle things they way they want if you don't even know if is a will.
Sometimes when a person is unwilling to talk about issue, the best thing you can why they don't want to talk about it. Try initiating a convention about their reservations. I would be interested in knowing how your parents own parents handled their wills. Did they have wills? Did talk about their request with your parents? What kinds of messages did they get about money? What are their concerns about having the conversation? How can you make sure their desires carried out if you don't know what their desires are?
At the end of the day, you can't make your parents share the information with you it you can address their concerns about having the conversation at all, which should get you one step closer to having the actual conversation.
My boyfriend would like me to go on the pill so he can stop using condoms. We have both been tested and are in a monogamous relationship. The problem is that he expects me to pay for it. I don't think this should fall solely on me. What should I do?
The pill can cost anywhere from $15 to $50 a month (depending on brand and insurance coverage) for an annual cost of $180 to $600 a year. That's not nothing!
But the bigger issue is about equality and support. Many couples split the cost of birth control. There are many chivalrous men who insist on paying for their partner's birth control. It might be different if you were already on the pill to treat other medical issues and then you two decided to make that your sole method of birth control. In that case it would be reasonable for him to expect you to pay for it, since it pre-existed him.
It is important for you to have a conversation about the issue. Use the sandwich technique. Start with the positive, address the difficult issue and then end with the positive. Make sure that you seek to understand where he is coming from. Why is it that he wants you to pay for this? Did he pay for a year of condoms and now wants you to cover the birth control. Does he think that your insurance covers the full cost when it doesn't? He may have a good reason.
Also, do a little soul searching so you are clear why this is meaningful to you. You will be most effective if you are aware of your own biases, hot buttons and are clear about why this is important to you. What does it mean to you to have him pay for it? Does it make you feel cared about? Is it sexually validating? Insight about your own process will make you a more effective communicator in the relationship.
One of my coworkers is constantly asking me questions about my salary, how much I pay for rent, how much things I am wearing costs, and butting into my financial business. How do I get her to stop?
Make some boundaries! Be very clear and let her know that you consider these to be personal questions and that you are not comfortable discussing the answers with her. When someone does something that bothers you and you don't say anything, they are going to continue doing the same thing over and over.
Copyright 2017 FOX 11 Los Angeles: Download our mobile app for breaking news alerts or to watch FOX 11 News | Follow us on Facebook, Twitter , Instagram and YouTube.