(FOX 11) - Patton Oswalt wrote a powerful note this week about the loss of his wife, Michelle McNamara, and his continuing struggle with grief.
McNamara, who was a popular crime writer, died suddenly in April at age 46.
"Thanks, grief. Thanks for making depression look like the buzzing little bully it always was. Depression is the tallest kid in the 4th grade, dinging rubber bands off the back of your head and feeling safe on the playground, knowing that no teacher is coming to help you."
Just 102 days after her death, the comedian describes being at the mercy of grief and loss.
"You will not be physically healthier. You will not feel 'wiser.' You will not have 'closure.' You will not have 'perspective' or 'resilience' or 'a new sense of self.' You WILL have solid knowledge of fear, exhaustion and a new appreciation for the randomness and horror of the universe. And you'll also realize that 102 days is nothing but a warm-up for things to come."
Oswalt also said that "any spare energy" he's managed to summon has been put towards finishing the book project McNamara was working on when she died.
"Michelle McNamara got yanked off the planet and out of life 102 days ago. She left behind an amazing unfinished book, about a horrific series of murders that everyone -- including the retired homicide detectives she worked with -- was sure she'd solve. The Golden State Killer. She gave him that name, in an article for Los Angeles Magazine. She was going to figure out the real name behind it," he said.
"With a lot of help from some very amazing people. It will come out. I will let you know. It's all her. We're just taking what's there and letting it tell us how to shape it. It's amazing."
Read the full post on Oswalt's Facebook here (warning: explicit language).